Depression.

Ok. So this is sad lol. Recently I’ve become extremely close with someone I was NOT expecting to become close with. That’s the way the world works though, right? I’m good with it. I love him, he’s great. Until he isn’t. And now, he isn’t. And by isn’t, he isn’t even around anymore… 😔 Rumors and gossip got him. Let me just start from the beginning though. He’s not even supposed to be my friend so there’s that. There was a risk there because he’s a former client and that’s a no-no with my job and me. Of course I broke the number 1 rule and befriended a former client. Bad me. BUT he got a job working alongside me so technically we could be friends. My company decided to work against our friendship and told us we weren’t allowed to have communication unless it was through the office. We bypassed that. 😬 We formed a bond I thought was inseparable. I was obviously very wrong. Last Wednesday I was let go from my job. My husband was alright with the decision. He knows I’ve been miserable there and we’ve actually been preparing for this for the last month or so. I’ve known it was coming. When I told my friend he was more upset about it than I was. He swore we were closer than ever. The weekend came, he took his son to hockey and then Sunday happened. He told me his boss informed him that one of their clients stated that there was a rumor about him and I circulating. Me, being the over-thinker, suggested space. He never responded. He actually still hasn’t responded. So my heart is now broken thinking I’m not good enough and now we are no longer on speaking terms because of an untrue rumor. Something ridiculous and untrue. Something that if his boss were to call and ask me about, and his boss has my phone number because we used to work together!!, he could call and ask and I’d absolutely tell the truth!! I’m heartbroken and sad and lonely. I feel like I’m in mourning. I know tomorrow will feel different but we literally haven’t gone over 24 hours without speaking in months. I call him my best friend and I whole heartedly mean it… anyway, I’m planning to write a letter tomorrow and then set it on fire. Full detail and full disclosure with everything written in it. Maybe that will ease my mind a bit. I guess we will see tomorrow!! Goodnight world. And if you’re out there, I still love you bub. I miss you more than you know…